By Diana Concepción, Ph.D.
What is stress? It may seem like a simple question but it can mean something different for everyone. For parents, stress can be the increased demands of home and child responsibilities, job pressures, financial worries, or community issues that seem overwhelming or out of our control. For children, stress can involve worries about school, “fitting in”, friendships, sports, grades, or even reacting to the stress of their parents. One thing is for sure; not all stress is the same. Some stress lasts for long periods of time with no end in sight, and other types of stress are more temporary and short lasting.
Why is stress so difficult to handle sometimes? Why does stress cause fear in some people? Does it depend on how we feel at the time, what the situation is, or how long the stressful event lasts? It is all of the above. Stress in itself is a normal part of our human experience, but how we respond to stressful situations is what makes the difference between healthy coping and falling apart. The body can handle stress and anxiety in certain amounts. In fact, the stress can be the fire to get us moving, take action, and solve the problem. It is important not to fear stress and anxiety when they appear, but rather understand that these are feelings that occur when we feel threatened about something that matters to us. The good news is that we can learn not to be afraid of stress, calm ourselves down so we can think more clearly, and rally more support to help us deal with the stress.
The most common definition for stress is that it is a condition or feeling experienced when you believe the demands to be greater than the personal and social resources that you may have to handle those demands. We feel little stress when we have the time, energy, experience, and resources to manage a situation, and great amounts of stress when the demands are too much. It can cause us to feel out of control and helpless in the face of difficult situations. The out of control feeling is what creates fear and anxiety. This is why it is important to get a better handle on stress, so that we can respond in a more positive and effective way when we are faced with challenges.
Adults and children both feel stress, but how they show it and respond to it can be quite different. As parents, it is crucial that as we are handling stressful events in our lives, we are modeling good examples of stress management to our children. This is easier said than done, but there are ways to handle stress more effectively.
Here are some tips:
1. Seek social support. Reaching out to family and friends helps reduce the negative effects of stress. When we perceive that we have support, stress levels are reduced.
2. Use positive coping strategies. Practicing relaxation techniques such as proper deep breathing, listening to music, writing in a journal, calling a friend, taking a walk, playing with a pet, or spending time in nature can lower heart rate and clear the mind.
3. Talk about it with a trusted person. Communicating and expressing our worries reduces the power it has over us and helps in problem solving.
4. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Keeping active through exercise, eating well, and getting enough rest will help the body’s immune system stay strong when facing stress.
5. Improve time management. Overscheduling is a great cause of stress and the ability to know when there is too much on your plate is very important. A balanced schedule of work, play, activities, and family commitments can help to keep stress at a manageable level.
The way we view a situation also affects how we handle stress. We have choices in how we will approach a stressful situation. This is where parents can help their children learn a more positive way to think about stress. If we give stress a different spin and view it as a challenge or an opportunity for change, then we reduce the negative effects of stress. Children and parents will be less likely to feel paralyzed and more likely to take action to address the challenge. The ability to problem solve is a learned behavior and gets better with practice and experience. Certain amounts of stress are expected, but when approached with an “I can do this” attitude, then stress becomes easier to handle. A positive attitude towards stress helps us become more assertive and confident in our abilities. It also helps us remember that whatever the outcome, we will be OK.
Stress and certain amounts of anxiety are not to be feared, but should be embraced as a part of our normal lives. We can approach difficult situations with a positive attitude and a good set of healthy coping strategies that in turn helps us to problem solve and manage the stress. Parents can model and teach their children a positive view of stress that regards it more as “life challenges”, and respond in a way that includes the ability to take action, talk about worries, reach out to others, and stay calm.
Thank you for reading my article! Please feel free to contact me if you would like to receive more information about ways to reduce stress.
About Dr. Concepción
Diana M. Concepción, PhD. is a bilingual Clinical Psychologist in private practice in Peachtree City since 2002. Dr. Concepción graduated from the University of Miami in 1986. She received her Master's degree in Counseling and Consulting Psychology from Harvard University. After working for several years in the Psychopharmacology unit at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, she completed her doctorate in Clinical Psychology at the University of Vermont in 1995. She then completed a one-year internship at West Roxbury VA Hospital in Massachusetts.
Dr. Concepción provides therapy and counseling to adults, families, couples, children and adolescents. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and substance abuse counseling, as well as family systems theory. For more information, please contact Dr. Concepción or visit her website at www.drdianaconcepcion.com.